Come sit at My Hearth….I will tend the Fire as you listen to this Grandmothers Story for I have much to share and It Is Time..

I am the Mother of three beautiful children; two daughters and a son all in adulthood now. I am the Grandmother of four…three Grandsons and one Granddaughter…divine little souls. I have travelled through the tunnel that all Women face at a later time in their life… the Rites of Passage; the Death of the Biological Mother and the Birth of the Cosmological Mother to emerge Full to the brim with Life..Alive..Standing before you in My Full Beauty, My Open and Loving Heart  and My Divine Presence.

I carry the Wisdom of the Elders  in my bones and the Teachings of those that have come before me in my DNA. I am She Who Knows; She Who Hears the Whisperings of Change that come on the Wind, the Messages from the Animal Kingdom that are there for us to see each day if we would only take time to stop and take notice. Grandmother Rock speaks to me from her Ancient Heart and Mother Gaia holds me in Her Arms; nourishing me, sustaining me, nurturing me with all Her Unconditional Love.

I am a Woman of 59 years and have travelled a long road to be here in this moment; a road that many of whom who do not hold  the Strength & Courage, the Heart of Hope, Faith and Trust as I do…would not have survived this journey… would have given up years ago.

Know that I have been through the Fires of Initiation, the Dark Night of the Soul…as I continued the intense Struggle and Battle against the supposed Enemy Without for many years. I did not feel really and truly safe amongst humans; a fear that I carried deep within my core being from birth which created a lifetime of being a Victim.

From a childhood of abuse and a total lack of love within the family home. Being such a sensitive soul I was angry, I was hurting, I was bewildered, I was confused, I was in constant Fight or Flight mode….not in my Body fully anchored into the core of Mother Earth.  And I was so self-righteous continually having to prove I was right and they were wrong….. Unconscious yet I thought I was Conscious!!!

Many times I have been on my knees, crushed by the betrayal, the lies and deceit of those that I thought were my Sisters, my brothers, my Family and Loved Ones. Unaware that the Real Enemy lay within and  it was this core issue that magnetised these people and situations to me in the first place and they were only acting out a part in My Play of Life…that I had the Starring Role and could rewrite the script anytime as I was the Producer and the Director also.

I thought I knew the true meaning of Love …I did not know. Many a time I fell in love only to destroy the very thing that I once loved. I have hurt many in my time in the name of love. I have broken several hearts along the way including my own. I have also been the betrayer thinking I was doing it in the name of justice. All that I pointed my finger at outside of me was within me. Thus during this time My Pure Innocent Trusting Heart was broken and torn asunder to the point that I was actually feeling physical pain in my heart as I continued to do this battle dance. I did not know the meaning of Surrender.

I have battled Chronic Fatigue, Ross River Fever and other debilitating illnesses. There were times when I seriously considered leaving this Planet as I could not take any more Pain…emotional, mental and physical. However Time and Time again I picked myself up, dusted myself off and continued to Walk this Path that I came into this Incarnation to do.

I have witnessed the death of my beautiful younger brother aged 44 to cancer; my friend, my confidante, my hero. My Heart broke big time with his passing…it changed me..a part of me died with him.  I always thought we would be sitting together in our Elder years on the front porch playing guitar and singing songs together.

My second daughter gave birth to her first child at 17  at a time when I was ready to fly the coup and fulfill my dream of being a Gypsy traveling the world. “Im too young to be Grandmother” I implored. However that soon changed with the birth of my first grandchild. Then 15 mths later she had open heart surgery only to have a needle left in her heart by the surgeon, they opened her up again removed the needle  but overlooked a nick in her heart. To witness and hear my beautiful daughter crying and calling out as they took her into theater for the third time “I dont want to die Mum I want to to live for my son” was every parents nightmare come true.

Yet I did not give up nor give in,  I could not, would not. As my daughter was on the table in operating theater I was outside the hospital  on a grassy strip walking around and around in a circle calling in her Guides, The Archangels, the Psychic surgeons, everyone and everything to support her. Although I was totally exhausted, having just come down with Ross River Fever a month before, with every ounce of strength left in me I continued to circle and circle. I did not falter, change my pace for over 30 minutes as I knew deep deep within my being that I was holding her heartbeat.  It was late at night and had anyone come across me they would have thought me a mad woman..calling out, singing, chanting. Then all of a sudden I knew that all was well but continued to circle singing thanks and gratitude. Only later to find out that they did lose her on the table…and wondered for a long time would she still be with us had I not held the Faith and Trust in what I was doing.

But know too that I have experienced deep profound Joy in my time. Magical times that have brought tears to my eyes and down my cheeks from sheer pleasure.

Like the Mysterious Miracle of Life….when I held my babies after giving birth.. Also being present at the births of two of my beautiful grandsons; a rare Gift that I will always treasure and hold dear to my Heart. At the birth of the second grandson, the midwife handed me the gloves and allowed me to birth him…I held his head as it emerged from the birth canal, supporting it, tenderly wiping his face whilst we waited for the next contraction that would see him fully out of the womb. I held him in my hands and gently lifted his body onto that of his mother and eventually cut the cord. Do you know that the cord is hard and grissly and takes a bit of pressure with the scissors to severe it???  I did not know this I had always imagined it to be soft and pliable.

Had I left the Planet I would not have been here to receive these incredible God/Goddess given Gifts.

I now walk the Path of Love and Acceptance knowing that my life is a Divine Gift and Blessing, that each breath I take is Precious. Holding deep Love for myself …warts and all…and the Acceptance of all that has been in my life and the Teachings that came with each step. Sure there are still those that choose to condemn me for standing in my Truth, for not kowtowing and pretending to be something else so that I fit in with their perception of truth. But I no longer allow these people starring roles in my script of Life by taking on their judgments and false accusations that is their script….just send them Love and more Love.

I have now come fully into my body… anchored firmly into the Heart of Mother Earth…fully Present in the Truth of All That Is and That which I AM. Trusting my inner wise woman’s messages,  not seeking answers without but from within. Knowing I am deeply Loved and supported  by many both in the physical and the spiritual realms…I AM Loved beyond measure.

Shakona Rose

 

By: Shakona Rose