Archive for November, 2011

Remembering I’m Soft & Squishy…

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2011 at 4:36 am  
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Despite my hard earned stillness of mind, extraordinary level of awareness, good karma, purification rituals, hard-core meditation practice, devotional prayer, angels, guides and endless therapists and healers I’d seen over the years… and despite my quest for ever higher levels of consciousness and Truth, two years ago I found myself in a very dark place…

I had started my own business in health and wellness and I was failing. I watched myself move from extraordinary peaks of elation when I had a “good” month to the pits of despair where no matter how hard I worked, how much expert advice I paid for and applied diligently and no matter how many hours I put in, I still wasn’t making any money. I tried everything, read every book, attended every seminar and educated myself madly. I found myself obsessed with my work and my problems, comparing myself with others and always, always coming up lacking. I was neglecting my man, neglecting my body and neglecting my Self in almost every possible way. I was hard, shut down, cynical, divorced from my senses and seeing only the external world. I knew this wasn’t who I really was but I couldn’t seem to turn it off. I had no time to honour the unseen, no sense of reverence for the mystery and magic of life and no connection with what was natural and authentic to me as Woman. Every day was filled with trying and effort to be something I was not, to be successful, to BE something. 

But then something changed…I started to open and hold myself more gently despite my “failures”. I began to form a relationship with myself as someone who was more, far more than what she was DOING in the world, something beyond goals and achievements, validation and recognition. Lightness and laughter began to bubble up from within and the and the knowledge of the impermanence of all things returned. I realised that if I couldn’t come from the heart and my own truth to be “successful” in the world, maybe I didn’t want to be “successful” after all. I had peace, perspective and finally a beautiful sense of surrender, trust and connection to all that is. I had come home to myself as Woman. Sometimes the spaciousness within me is stronger than at other times. Sometimes, I find myself stuck in endless thinking, criticisms, analysis, judgements, stories and perfectionism. Always though, I return to this space that is authentically me. Being Woman, meditation and sacred Woman’s work have been and are still an integral part of my journey. They give me permission to do NOTHING (when nothing else in my life does and when I find it impossible to give this permission to myself). The more I live and move from this space of Woman, the more real I become. I am no longer at war with myself – no longer fighting to balance the part of me that purely longs to be and give love with the part of me that wants to go out make a difference in the world. As my unique beauty and expression unfold I see that it’s true, I don’t need to DO anything. I am perfect already. The feminine has no agenda, no plan, nothing to achieve and She will wait for me for eternity.
Susan Living’s been exploring meditation, conscious relationships and other paths to internal peace for over 17 years and is a trained facilitator in The Work of Byron Katie. She’s a community focused speaker, techno goddess, writer, living room dancer, amateur singer and ukulele playing cat-lover. Deeply dedicated to exploring the realms of conscious, heart-based entrepreneurship and business based solely on authenticity and contribution, Susan lives in the Gold Coast hinterland with her husband and cat (a very fluffy Himalayan Persian).

 

By: Susan

Being Woman – A Truly Life-Changing Experience

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2011 at 4:36 am  
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After attending “The Joining” gathering for a couple of years I knew about the “Being Woman” gathering, however I had never been. I had been spending most of my time trying to work on my marriage which was falling apart, and had neglected myself as a Woman, and the connections I had with other women. After a painful separation from my husband and eventual divorce, I found myself at the same breathwork workshop as the committee members of “Being Woman 2011″. We instantly bonded and they asked me, and my close friend who was also at the workshop with me, if we would join them on the First Circle committee – as there were only TWO of them, and they couldn’t possibly create the gathering with such a small committee. My body said an instant “YES”! And since then I haven’t looked back.

Ten months of INTENSE inner work was my journey as a Being Woman First Circle committee member. As our committment to First Circle we do an inner work session each month throughout our term on committee. However, our lives were in such turmoil in terms of divorces, separations, financial hardships etc that EVERY DAY was an inner work! I was blessed to be living with one of my fellow First Circle members throughout our journey – and there was not ONE emotional issue that we left unprocessed.

We bared ourselves emotionally to each other like we had never before. We owned our vulnerabilities, our projections, our pain and our joy. And I felt for the first time in my life that I could trust women. We worked through elements of womanhood that are so sensitive to speak about – such as competition, jealousy and betrayal amongst women; comparing ourselves to each other all the time; judging one another and ourselves, and our issues with our own mothers in that we had never felt loved, appreciated or supported – in fact many of us were mothers to our own mothers. These issues had prevented me from trusting myself, and from trusting other women, which led me to seek emotional sustenance from men. I learnt that it is impossible for a woman to have ALL of her emotional needs met from her man – and nor should she attempt to. This is something I had done in my marriage – and it didn’t work.

Our inner work was SO intense that we wondered at times whether or not we would actually be able to run the Being Woman gathering! It was really tough finding time and energy to complete the tasks we had to complete, but we did it. And “Being Woman 2011″ was a beautiful gathering. I felt so proud of myself – I had finally COMPLETED something!! Many projects in my life had been started and never finished, and this one I saw through to the end, and what an amazing gift it was to see the women who attended and what they gained from the experience. I was proud of my committee members too – we had been through the toughest times of our lives during the preparation of Being Woman 2011 – and our inner work flowed out to all who attended.

It is my intention that Women all around the world realise how important their relationship with other women is. When we can heal our wounds around our mothers, and other women in our lives, and truly come together as ONE we can change the world to one of peace, love and harmony. We are Sisters walking this Earth together. Let us support each other, love one another and BE the change we wish to see in this world.

 

By: Nina Stephenson